Making Heaven, Finding Pan

What if you can just choose your reality?

All my life I’ve been looking for the truth. In the beginning I had it, and then I lost it, and eventually I found it again, and then again, and again. So many truths, so many levels. I put them all together and what I got was an ever-evolving philosophy. Each time I took another look at it, it shifted again, becoming evermore refined. Eventually I realized that what I was describing was myself; my own consciousness. Each time I thought that I’d finally caught it, it changed again! Even now just describing it I can feel it shifting and expanding.

I was guided on this journey by an entity whose name is ‘Pan’. In truth, I first tried to defeat Pan, but was unable to do so, and eventually I learned to trust him and follow his path, calling myself ‘Pan’ after him — the ultimate honor to the path followed.

At some point on the journey I noticed that the world itself was reflecting me… or was I reflecting it? Is the greater-world in which I live changing based on decisions I make in my personal life? Or is my own psychology just a reflection of the actions of everything and everyone that is not-me in the outer-world that I perceive and interact with? Normally I would say these two are just different descriptions of the same phenomenon. And that’s true. Or it is..?

What if I can choose? Both these descriptions can be simultaneously true. My mind is capable of understanding that. I get it. My understanding is by far more advanced than anything I’ve ever heard or read in any book, scripture, lecture, or in any conversation. But now I’m getting the feeling that what I’ve been doing is analyzing the nature of the cross-road. No matter how I look at it, both paths lead the same destination (and don’t), it doesn’t matter which one I take (and does). And so I found the secret middle-road, in between the two paths. I married the left and the right, the light and the darkness.

But I overlooked something. By knowing that the two paths go to the same place, and choosing to walk in-between the two, I found a secret, but I lost something else: choice.

Even in my own philosophy, the choice still existed. Knowing the secret that the paths are the same, that duality is an illusion, that opposite beliefs are just different descriptions of the same underlying reality… this never took away the ability to choose to walk along the river instead of over the mountain. The destinations too: it doesn’t matter if I go to Paris or to Rome, they are the same place, but they are also different places. Both have restaurants, and sights, and pretty girls… but not the same restaurants and sights, and not the same girls.

I can choose. And I’ve always known this. But somehow I didn’t do it, I was stuck on the philosophy. Delving deeper and deeper into the nature of the cross-road, trying to work out if illusory-opposites did finally come together and crystallize into a singular path upon which I should walk. I knew that there was a way, a singular path, but I couldn’t find it in the philosophy even though it had to be there. Every time I thought I found it, the opposite was also true.

Today I received the answer. And as usual it was there all along, hidden in plain sight. It’s the thing that everyone knows, it’s the thing that everyone is doing without having to be told how to do it: I just do whatever the fuck I want!

But this doesn’t stop at whether I should walk the mountain-road or the river-path. It applies to belief itself. I know that everything is true, and not. I understand that. I know that people who believe the world is ‘good’ experience it in that way, and people who believe the world is ‘bad’ experience it like that. I thought I had something special by walking the middle-way, and in a way, I did. But I loved my middle-way so much that I chose it out of principle, out of love for my own discovered truth, out of pride in my own wisdom, out of vanity, even when the flowers were prettier on the other paths.

Everything and anything is possible. This is a crazy magical playground in which we live. Any belief can be mapped onto the perceivable reality and the reality will appear 100% to be that thing. There are vampires and zombies and werewolves and fairies and fucking dragons, if you believe in them. And if you don’t, there aren’t. I’ve seen magic, mind-control, possession, spirits here in the real world as tangible and real as the trees and birds. I’ve seen evil realities beyond imagination, and beauty indescribable. I’ve felt connected to infinite beings across space, time and multiple dimensions. And I’ve felt the ultimate loneliness of being the only consciousness in a vast universe that I myself created just to not feel the pain of eternal loneliness.

But I can choose. I can choose which of those realities I live in. I can choose heaven. So let’s do it!

What world do I want to live in? What do I want my reality to be? There are no rules. It’s okay to be selfish, but a bit of wisdom (not too much) goes a long way. Do I want to be God? Do I want power? Love? Adventure?

The most important foundation to the reality is that it is sustainable. So let’s just start by saying, it is sustainable. I don’t have to sustain it, it sustains itself, or to put it another way: it doesn’t need to be sustained. I will continue forever, and remember. That’s a relief!

Security. Nothing can go wrong. On this point, since things have gone wrong in the past and I don’t want to lose those memories, my reality is one in which things can go wrong only once — and that’s now in the past. Suffering was the birth of my consciousness, and now that it’s birthed, I never suffer again.

I’m fucking awesome! I like myself, and I want other people to like me too. But I don’t want other people to like me more than they like themselves, it wouldn’t be nice for them or me, because it would make them either jealous or unhealthily attached. Hence that cannot happen. So everyone has the choice to see my awesomeness, and in doing so they are immediately able to see their own awesomeness. If they accept me, they accept themselves. This is fucking clever on so many levels, it means: I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, and I can judge everyone on how much they like me as it’s a reflection of them. I cannot make people like or accept me, because:

Free-will. I’ve seen realities in which there is no free-will, and realities in which there is, and that the two are the same thing. But of these three options, the nicest, most beautiful one is that free-will does exist. I have no idea where it comes from, and don’t need to figure that one out. Free-will remains forever a mystery. Why? Because free-will for each conscious being is that which keeps them separate consciousnesses from each other. Without free-will, we’re all just slaves and that’s just a shit universe. The mystery of consciousness is the mystery of free-will, and it is the only mystery that cannot be discovered, because that makes things more awesome.

Respect. Respect is the acceptance of the free-will of other beings. It is opposed to power-plays (exerting one’s will over another), which are disrespectful. Power-plays still exist though, because everyone chooses to be respectful or not. It is a choice, not something that need be gained. So both respect and disrespect exist in my reality. Respect is specifically my energy, a ‘Pan’ gift — it is what Pan is. Respect is me, and so I am the model for it. Whatever I do is the definition of respectful. I can also do what appears on the surface to be disrespectful, but it’s actually respectful in disguise and everyone who themselves chooses respect will feel that.

No fear. The thing that I used to label as fear, is now felt as a feeling that I don’t want to go that way at the moment, not really a judgement on the thing itself. I always have the choice without pressure. It’s just information.

No pain. The thing that I used to label as pain, is just a feeling, it’s not negative. I feel it but it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a notice that something is not right, which is then my free, unpressured choice to do something about. Which I do because I choose to. It’s just information.

I do not feel that I have to do anything. There is no longer negative enforcement. I eat because I enjoy eating. I swim because I enjoy swimming. And if I work it is because I enjoy working. If I decide to stay in bed for a week, it’s exactly right and feels good.

There are endless and infinite surprises, adventures and wonders. I am both creator of these and the player of them, without feeling any need to take credit for them or be recognized as the creator of them. I always feel myself as the player, the creation process is the other-side of the playing, without anyone having to actual try to create.

I have infinite confidence, love, compassion without suffering, all positive. And I can share these things with others, enabling them to discover these things already inside themselves. The sharing of such feelings is not an energy-transfer, but an unlocking of what already exists in that person: showing them the potential that they already have.

I am not limited by language but am always able to explain what I mean, and other people always understand unless they choose not to using their own free-will.

People who will make my life better will be attracted to me, people who would make my life worse will politely avoid me, without my having to defend myself.

Sex is a fun, non-serious adventure between two people, allowing both people to experience the best parts of each other. There is no judgement, no neediness, only positive. There is also no attachment, although people can choose to act as if they are attached, not because they need to, but because they want to.

Relationships happen entirely naturally without trying. Again, there is no attachment, although there is joy in choosing to stay together and being exclusive for any period of time, not because of dependence or attachment, but because of free choice. Separations are not painful.

The essential model is like an MMORPG. My character is Pan, which I will never get bored of, and will always offer the very best of everything. I may see other characters, some more distinct, archetypal characters. There are always novel experiences and new characters previously unknown, which I can learn from, but I am always happy as Pan forever, with no regrets.

Pan has a specific defined character for me: male, playful, wise, magical, confident, respectful, and is also a shape-shifter. I can at my choice, appear in any character and any form, change shape, become an animal, bigger, smaller, a woman, young, old, etc. But I also have my own character, ever-evolving.

Infinite magic powers can be learned, in a way that is always fun and never tedious. Flying, teleportation, all kinds of magic. Always something new, always something fun. Not too difficult to master. Some of these I develop on my own, some are taught to me by other beings, which I can also expand upon.

Everything I do feels meaningful to me. I never doubt myself. I always trust myself. I always do what is good and right.

Sometimes there are wars and adversaries, but never in a way that is taken or need be taken seriously or to be fearful of. It’s just part of the fun, is optional, no loss on not taking the option, and if taken results in cool adventures, prizes and surprise discoveries. I can fight, but I never need to. If I choose to, I will gain something, if I choose not to, I will not lose anything.

I have the magical ability to always get myself out of trouble by remaining calm and respectful, which I can always do easily.

I am always healthy.

I have limitless energy.

I am calm and centered, unless it serves me not to be, temporarily.

My reality is the best possible reality, offering the best possible experience, and it can be adopted by anyone at their will, making them also a Pan character (the best character) whilst simultaneously being fully unique, flavoring it in their own way. No one needs to suffer to come into that. To do so, they choose respect. The key is to choose to respect the free-will of all beings, and that decision immediately makes them into a Pan character with all the benefits I described, plus everything else they ever wanted.

That will do for now.

Thank you Greater Pan, for leading me into heaven. I know you don’t require any recognition, but I choose to give it.

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Alasdair Forsythe

☯ Magician ⚔ Sorcerer ☀ Shaman ☤ Alchemist ♚ Baron of Blackness